Study 7: Shame & Depression

Story: 1 Kings 19 (Elijah)

Questions and discussion:

1. Why is a man such as Elijah so dreadfully downcast?

• Elijah's depression comes after defeating the priest of Baal (1 Kings 18) and seeing God's glory ("spiritual high")
• Depressed because the Israelites aren't following God
• Depressed because he is afraid for his life (Jezebel is trying to kill him)
• Common to be depressed after a powerful spiritual encounter
• Hard to "come back down" from these great encounters with God
  

2. What is depression? How does depression affect our view of God, self, and others?

• Loss of hope (hopelessness)
  
• Self-propelling pessimism
  
• Inability to experience joy regardless of circumstances
• Self-defense mechanism (harder to actually experience the pain)
• Loneliness/isolation
• Inability to be helped (helplessness)
  
• Inability to ask for help or to know what help you need
• Inability to fully engage with the world around (circumstances or with people)
• Self-pity
• Feeling of purposelessness
• May be because of temperament, physical conditions, reactions, or the devil
• Sadness
• Inactivity
• Difficulty with thinking and concentration
• Changes in physical realm -- eating, sleeping, energy, etc
• Feeling like the supporting actor in your own life
  

3. Does depression lead to shame?

• "Having depression" may be shameful
• Stigma related to having depression
• Inadequacy feelings for not being able to handle it
• Ultimate inadequacy to be unable to experience joy
• It is hard to help a depressed person -- it only increases the shame when people don't know how to help you
• Hard if no one else can meet you where you're at; increase isolation and shame
• Inability to know what to ask for in terms of help also increases shame
• Pressure on Christians to be perfect and not struggle with things; whole new level of failure you can achieve
  

4. Does shame lead to depression?

• Hiding aspect of shame leads to isolation
• Because shame is about who I am (and not what I have done) it's not like I can take this one aspect of my life and fix it; shame calls into question my entire ability to live life -- so shame in a sense makes us not want to exist (which leads to depression)
• Depressed about all the effort you extend to fix shame, despite not really getting anywhere (it feels hopeless to not be moving out of a hole)
• We may stay in depression because it hides the shame that triggers it
  

5. Is there any well-placed shame related to depression?

• Has to depend on definition of depression
• Well-placed shame must be affixed to hope and ultimate redemption (which is incongruous with depression if we're defining it as hopelessness)
• Depression as a stage of being downcast may be because of well-placed shame
• Negative emotions must be coupled with hope, but the negative emotions themselves aren't wrong
  
• God rarely leads us through shame long-term
• Also, it's a matter of faith
• Winter serves its purpose --- but "always winter, never Christmas" does not
  

6. What is the Lord’s response to Elijah’s depression?

• Awesome! He's compassionate and kind
• There is a significant amount of time (40 days and 40 nights) God waits after feeding Eljiah and before speaking to him
• God whispers; silence doesn't mean Elijah is forsaken
• God's whisper makes you listen
• Typically we want God to come in the earthquake or these big events
• Elijah is kind of like a kid with a temper-tantrum
• Elijah is zealous for God and he is depression, but God is saying he can do all things
• God first does a simple thing: he lets Elijah sleep
• God fees Elijah and comforts him
• God permits Elijah to tell him of his grief
• God gives Elijah good news (he's not the only one), and he gives him purpose (to go find Elisha) --- purpose is huge after being depressed and isolated
• God also does not answer Elijah's request to be killed
  

7. How do we break out of the misplaced shame that surrounds depression?

• Helps to narrate your own story to yourself
• The best thing you can do to break out of depression is to share the gospel and your testimony (both are incredibly hopeful, and get you outside of yourself)
  
• Thanksgiving & praise
• Share with others; be exposed & not isolated

And, some quotes to consider:

“As for the man of God, it is seldom, if ever, that he should get into such a state of heart as to wish for death. I know, Beloved, that we may sometimes very properly desire death. When we have had a more than usually clear sight of Christ, we have longed to be with Him. May not the bride desire to be perpetually in the Bridegroom’s company? When sacred song has sometimes carried us on its bright wings of silver up into the clear atmosphere that is round about the gates of Heaven, we have wished to enter—we have longed that we might see our God. I have no doubt it is right enough, when we are wearied, to wish for the everlasting rest. When we are conscious of sin, it is right enough to wish to be where sin can never come and temptation can never more annoy. There must be such wishes. There must be such aspirations, for, to depart and to be with Christ is far better than to abide here. But we must never get into such a craving and longing for Heaven that we are not content to bide our time here. We do not like men who work for us to be always looking for Saturday night to come. And there are some Christians who are always wanting their Saturday night to arrive. Be willing to do a good day’s work, to do a good week’s work, and then the Sabbath will be all the sweeter to you when you get up.” (CH Spurgeon, Elijah Fainting)


“Another frequent cause of spiritual depression is what we may describe as a reaction—a reaction after a great blessing, a reaction after some unusual and exceptional experience. I hope to call attention sometime to the case of Elijah under the juniper tree. There is no doubt in my mind that his main trouble was that he was suffering from a reaction, a reaction after what had happened on Mount Carmel (1 Kings 19). Abraham had the same experience (Genesis 15). For that reason when people come to me and describe some remarkable experience which they have had, while I rejoice with them and thank God, I always watch them carefully afterwards and am always on the look out and apprehensive on their behalf lest a reaction set in. That need not happen, but unless we are aware of the danger it may do so. If we but realized that when God is pleased to give us some unusual blessing we must be unusually watchful afterwards, we would avoid this reaction that so often tends to set in.” (Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Spiritual Depression)


"Depression is a psychiatric disorder marked by sadness, inactivity, difficulty with thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal thoughts or an attempt to commit suicide. Depression can, in part, be caused by a person trying to repress his or her feelings of sadness and anger—the two ingredients of the God-given protest against lack of love. Depression sometimes manifests itself more subtly than in the "deep blackness." It masks itself as a grayness in outlook. Depressed people lose their range of emotional functioning; they lose the color in their life. Their entire world begins to look gray. Many depressed people prefer gloomy weather because it matches the way they feel inside. Sometimes a sunny day can make them more depressed because sunshine contrasts starkly with how they feel inside. Depressed people lose interest in doing things and in being with people because simple social activity does not get to the root of the need. They feel so distant emotionally in social situations where others are in more ‘up’ moods. Therefore, they often withdraw from social activity and relationships, which only furthers their isolation. Many people experience depression because they do not set good boundaries. The lack of boundary setting sets them up for being mistreated, and much pain follows. Others are depressed because they turn inward their anger at people who are controlling them. If they aren’t in touch with their choices, they think they have no choices, that other people have control over their choices. They become resentful, perhaps even bitter." (Dr. Henry Cloud, Changes That Heal, discussing how depression is a symptom both of failure to bond and failure to have boundaries)