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Boundaries: What We've Learned So Far

Boundaries exist because we live in relationship to God and others.

There are boundaries that we can (and should) set in many aspects of life. Types of boundaries include, but are not limited to: skin (physical), words, truth, geographical distance, time, emotional distance, other people, and consequences.

Boundaries help us understand what we are and are not responsible for. Within our boundaries we are responsible for our: feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices, values, limits, talents, thoughts, desires, and love.

We are not responsible for other people, but we are responsible to them. Each person is responsible for carrying their own load, but we are to help with burdens that are too big to bear alone.

The laws of boundaries tell us:
1. You will reap what you sow. There are consequences to your (and others') decisions.
2. You are only responsible for yourself. You are responsible to others--you should give to needs and put limits on sin.
3. You do not have the power to change others, but you can influence them by changing yourself (with God's help.)
4. Respect the boundaries of others. Do not let the fear of others' disrespect keep you from making your own boundaries.
5. Examine the motives behind your actions. Give of yourself out of love.
6. Evaluate the effects of setting boundaries and empathize with them. Understand the difference between hurting and harming.
7. Own reactive phases, but move into proactively living within your boundaries.
8. Do not envy. Instead take responsibility for your lack of contentment and do something about it.
9. Be active, not passive. Take initiative.
10. Boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated in relationship.

All of the above is rooted in Scripture. Email me for access to our Boundaries Scripture google doc.

Boundaries, study 1

Defining Boundaries--notes
Pages 15-40

What is a boundary?
Limits
Expectations
Distinction
Drawing a line--meant to stay on one side
Keep things in or out
Alienating/restrictive vs. freeing/protective
Around what's mine
Ownership/responsibility
Fences with gates
Size and variation--may vary person to person
Flexible--can change

Why is it important to know our boundaries?
To understand what we are responsible for
Allows us to take ownership of ourselves and our lives
To be able to better take care of ourselves and others
To avoid being overwhelmed
Other people will make boundaries for us if we don't

What obstacles do we face in making and keeping boundaries?
Others' expectations and boundaries
"Shoulds"
Guilt
Desire to be unselfish
Why not vs Why
Misunderstanding Scripture--thinking we're commanded to be "good, kind Christians" who never say no
Can become overwhelmed with others and the world's problems

Boundaries come from the very nature of God
He is distinct and separate from us. Holy.
Father, Son, & Spirit. Each has specific role in the Trinity.
He defines himself and takes responsibility for who He is.
He tells us who He is/isn't. Defines likes/dislikes.
Tells us what he thinks, feels, plans, allows.
Sets limits and consequences.

Genesis 2:15-17
Boundaries:
Garden of Eden--physical boundary
Work and take care of it--responsibility
Must not eat from the tree of knowledge--limit; Or you will surely die--consequence